Student Essay Contest Winner
New Girl Wins; Inner Demons Lose
“Imagine for a minute an eight-year-old girl who has just moved into a new town and started in a brand new elementary school. On the inside she is a bundle of energy and full of great thoughts and ideas. On the outside, she is shy and timid looking. This little girl keeps to herself in the classroom and plays by herself on the playground. She has no friends and, from fear of rejection, does not reach out to any of her peers. This “new girl” was me.”
The words are part of the opening paragraph by Student Essay Contest winner Haleigh Bassett ’19, a reflection on the University Theme “Thrive.” Haleigh had the opportunity to read her essay before hundreds of people at the 12th annual Marcia H. Conrad Awards Ceremony held on April 19, 2017.
Haleigh wrote the essay because she was passionate about telling her story. Putting her thoughts and experiences down on paper was easy, but speaking and telling her story was the real challenge. Reading her essay aloud in the packed Mills Theatre allowed Haleigh to own her story, and “… [Writing] about the past almost makes you realize how far you’ve come, but also helps you heal from any pain you might still have.”
This is not the end of Haleigh’s writing career. Next year, she will take her new-found experience and become a writing tutor at 国产哟哟. Haleigh is ready to write the next chapter.
New Girl Wins; Inner Demons Lose
Imagine for a minute an eight-year-old girl who has just moved into a new town and started in a brand new elementary school. On the inside she is a bundle of energy and full of great thoughts and ideas. On the outside, she is shy and timid looking. This little girl keeps to herself in the classroom and plays by herself on the playground. She has no friends and, from fear of rejection, does not reach out to any of her peers. This “new girl” was me.
Now, imagine a twenty-year-old young woman who goes to an all-women’s university. Imagine this woman being in the Honors Program, having a good group of friends, being a student learning assistant, being the youngest, but also the captain of the basketball team, having a job and being involved on and off campus. This women is not afraid to meet new people or to show off her skills and have her voice heard. This young woman is also me and this is my story on how I learned to thrive.
At the age of eight my family decided to move to a new town. I was excited to start school because I loved learning. But I was also afraid. I was terrified that no one would like me and that no one would want to be my friend. I hid myself from everyone. I found that not talking to anyone was easy; it did not take effort and I was sure I was saving myself. What I did not know was that I was hurting myself. The longer I was afraid, the harder it would be for me to change.
Luckily, my third grade teacher cared enough to inform my mom that I was not interacting socially in school. I would play on the playground structure by myself every day at recess. I was happy flipping myself over the tall bars on the structure, dancing around in my own mind where no one could interrupt me. Imagination was my best friend.
Soon later I was confronted by my concerned mom. She encouraged me to sign up for an extracurricular activity at the school. As Mom was reading through the dull, list my ears perked when her lips uttered the word karate. I knew immediately what I had to do.
Before I knew it I was standing in the back corner of the gym wearing my light green power-puff girl t-shirt and matching shorts. I was excited to be there, but I was afraid to be seen. My mind was somewhere caught between what I could become from this experience and what would become of me if I failed. Despite my valiant effort to hide on that first day, I was quickly moved to the front of the gym where I was easily seen to everyone who cared enough to watch. I felt exposed, as if I was standing there with no clothes, naked, being judged with every shallow breath I took.
Soon into my journey as a martial artist, I began soaking up everything I learned. With each day I became more comfortable and I was beginning to grow. But, just like any flower, I did not fully blossom overnight. One dreaded day came when it was time to show everyone in class what I had learned. As a class we formed a circle and one by one students entered the center of the circle to perform. With each person, I knew it was getting closer to the moment when I would be called upon. When my moment finally came, I burst into tears. My body began to shake as the hot beads rolled down my ashamed cheeks. I covered my face with my hands to hide my embarrassment. I had let my fear control me. While lying in bed later that night I realized that my fear was my inner demons playing with my mind. That night I decided I would fight my demons.
From that day forward there were still many more times that I was pushed so far out of my comfort zone that I could do nothing but cry. However, I was not going to let my demons continue to knock me down. In the same way my karate instructor was teaching me to block punches and hit back on the outside, I began teaching myself to block the tears and fight back against my inner demons. I took these moments of shame and fear of failure and used them to make myself better and stronger. I was determined that in time I would amount to everything that I ever wanted to be. But before that time came, I felt like a failure more times than I can count. Every time I broke, I rebuilt. Instead of letting my fears control me, I began conquering them.
Five years later, at age thirteen, I tested for my 1st degree black belt. On that day I spent seven tiring hours going through one of the hardest physical and mental exams I would every encounter. At the end of the day, I won more than a black belt in karate. There was a deeper victory. After five long years of determined struggle, “New Girl” finally won and her inner demons lost. Big time! And for the first time, my tears that day were not filled with shame and embarrassment. They were a flood of happiness, self-worth and pride.
From that day on, there really was a “new girl” in the karate gym. New Girl wanted to challenge every guy. New girl was not afraid to fail. It must have been amusing to watch me spar the boys. I would often find myself lying on the ground in a most inelegant position after one of the boys had caught me off guard with a mighty strike. But New Girl did not get embarrassed; New Girl got revenge! I would spring up from the ground and throw back my toughest punch or kick. But more importantly, each time New Girl took her head gear off at the end of the match, she would have a grin on her face that stretched from ear to ear. I did not need to prove to anyone else that I was strong, after five long years, I had proved it to myself.
I’m not saying correlation proves causation, but because of karate I started to make friends in school. I played kickball with kids at recess. I went to birthday parties and earned good grades. New Girl did not stay in the gym. She took over the rest of my life as well. I became that strong, cheerful, happy and brilliant young girl that I knew I could be. I had kicked my inner demons ass. To phrase things more politely: A frightened, young, new girl in a frightening, uncertain new world learned to thrive. A few years later, she learned the lesson again as a “new girl” at a place called 国产哟哟. She became an Honors student. She became captain of the basketball team. She made wonderful friends, holds down a part time job, and still finds time to help other “new girls” as a student learning assistant in a first-year class. They too, have inner demons trying to drag them down. Perhaps we all do.
There are so many ways to thrive. This is just one.